u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
