I'm jealous of your bromance
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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