i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
