remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I puked a lego.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize