peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
