Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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