i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I touched a dick in church today
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize