My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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