i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
