Yo dont text me then not text me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
