Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
