what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
