so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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