I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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