i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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