Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize