I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
