Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
