So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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