Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
