he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Michael Bay diarrhea
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
