he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
