Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize