The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
