if you like me you must not know who I am
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am available for nakedness
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
