She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
