The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
