On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
