dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
