no, he came in my armpit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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