# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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