My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
