I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
