jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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