Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
