youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
