She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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