Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
