I am full of burrito and curiosity
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize