Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
