When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
