1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
