If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
