dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
