he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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