my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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