I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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