you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
