Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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