she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
