If i come over, it means nothing
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
