all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
