i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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