I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
