is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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