Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so let's talk penis.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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