i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize