It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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