Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
