I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
