haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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