In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
