Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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