well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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