life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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