Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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