I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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