life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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