My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
