mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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