I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my liver is dry heaving
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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