Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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