I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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