do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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