The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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