i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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