i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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