I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
