I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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